Confident as a happy cocktail
Self-confidence is the source of our strength and the foundation of our lives.
With it, we can overcome this obstacle and carry out this plan.
Even before it was very confident, it can always be rebuilt.
The mayor of New York City, Giuliani, was called “the first person to tell jokes” after “9.11”.
This year, our entire nation also suffered from the tragic Wenchuan earthquake. It has experienced three days of mourning days that have never been seen in history. One week in Beijing published an article, “Who is the first joke?”
“This article specifically recommends: “We are not Americans, our feelings are delicate and low, not suitable for telling jokes immediately.
Talking about jokes in the past is equivalent to being too confident about your own iron fists, or preparing to repair a brick field (the bricks of netizens).
Is this really true?
How long do we have to wait to speak or hear the first joke?
In fact, I didn’t wait for a long time, because I saw a joke on Bai Yansong on TV while I saw this article.
In the face of a tearful female colleague, he imitated the Sichuan dialect, that a person buried under the rubble was rescued by the Russian rescue team. He heard foreign languages around him and said, “The dog’s day, this earthquake is really amazing.I shocked Laozi to a foreign country.
“We laughed at the same time, and the Sichuanese were so humorous!”
While admiring the courage of Bai Yansong, in the atmosphere of tears, blame, and fear spread, he became the “first person to tell us jokes.”
Moreover, he was not killed by the “tile”. On the contrary, his joke was well received by everyone. His optimism and self-confidence gave us the courage to face suffering.
When we interviewed Bai Yansong, he said that he believed that his true feelings could resonate with the audience: “Because the earthquake has lasted for ten days, it needs something that is strong and optimistic to support.
“Bai Yansong’s favorite saying is that “the hero is also vulnerable, but it is not conquered by fragility.”
In the face of disaster, we feel painful and fragile, but we also need to be strong and confident.
Confidence is – what state?
Moussa Nabati, a French psychoanalyst, believes that we can intuitively know that self-confidence is probably some kind of freedom, calming down such performance.
Without self-confidence, it is easy to identify: we no longer recognize happy curiosity for tomorrow, have no inner freedom, dare not express our opinions or interest, do not choose or refuse, can not set plans and achieve plans.Confidence is like a happy cocktail, which mixes desire and anticipation, self-esteem and optimism. It is the milk of life, nurtures us and gives us vitality. “Let us experience happiness and do our own happiness, complete and energetic.be yourself”.
So, what constitutes confidence?
The basis of its dependence is a healthy self-image. Maybe we will think that if I am richer, more fortunate, I will be more confident!
If I am rich, be a little more beautiful, and have more time, then I will develop better!
Because “confidence is not a problem of external packaging, it is still related to the foundation laid by people in the early years.
“Musa Nabati thinks so.
The care we get in the early days of life is the foundation of self-reliance and growth.
Narcissism – our love for ourselves – stems from this initial care and is the result of internalizing care.
Narcissism is necessary, it establishes our self-image and builds our self-esteem.
Being confident is to be full of energy than love – the energy of life.
Moussa Nabadi added: “I feel that I belong to the big chain of life in nature, just like plants and animals, and I deeply understand that as long as life is there, hope is there.
“A powerful force is like a river, watering our entire life, allowing us to love ourselves calmly, love the good and love the shortcomings – this is a sign of “healthy” self-image, not to think of ourselvesAll good” or “everything is bad.”
At the same time, it can also revitalize people from the most terrible blows, and even the future will not lose confidence in life.
Of course, this inner strength is not for everyone to have the privilege of owning.
Because of the lack of love nourishment in the early days of life, some people feel that they are not strong enough.
It does not mean “childhood determinism” at all (see interviews with experts in this issue), and we have a way to replace the missing love in the chapter year after adulthood.
There are still some people who have had a good childhood, but when they are young, they are tempered by real life, and they have gone through the days of drifting, no longer trying to prove themselves and be themselves.
Retrieving the feeling of “craving for life” is facing the hardships of life. Some people are more and more frustrated, and some people are devastated.For the top, psychologists recommend participating in some workshops that enhance self-confidence, and we are expected to help.
Analyze what has been crushed by himself, and realize that you can’t get peace in the first place, but it will increase your own negative.
French society psychologist.
Gian Laurens trains people in such workshops to “dare to dare to help people find keywords that limit themselves, such as “fear,” and what are we afraid of?
Fear of being unpleasant, afraid of losing, failing, suffering, etc., using these fears to bind yourself and not dare to act.
At the same time, he used another concept of “legality” to eliminate “fear”: people have reason to be themselves, express themselves, live according to their own wishes, and be free to explore the possibilities of life.
Allow yourself, don’t limit yourself to do things, these are easy to say and hard to do.
Therefore, it is necessary to carry out in-depth self-exploration in order to move the obstacles on our way forward, that is, we subconsciously think that we are not qualified enough, not good enough, and so on.
Moussa Nabadi believes: “It is not an adult who suffers, but his/her inner child.
Therefore, to enhance self-confidence, we must first study the depression in our early childhood.
At that time, we didn’t get enough love, or we saw that our parents were suffering and could not do anything, or we were treated as another child who had already died, and so on.
Although the past can never be repaired, psychotherapy can make us no longer suffer from the powerless feelings of childhood.
“In this way, we can find the feeling of “craving for life.”
Take your own path Every individual we interviewed, recognized as a self-confidence problem, they will first say that they are very inferior, because they are from a remote town, because they are women, and so on.
But shifting the focus on psychology and consciously honing themselves, they have shown confidence today that is higher than the normal level.
Bai Yansong tells us that the inferiority and self-confidence of each person may exist at the same time. The key is whether you can get out of inferiority.
In the 1980s, a well-known book, Beyond Inferiority, was written by psychologist Adler and had a great influence on him.
He was in college at the time. After the class read the book, half of the students wrote the motto “Go your own way and let others talk about it.”
The motto means something that you can’t do.
Therefore, he thought that at least 30 people (half classes) in the whole class are taking the road of others to observe what others are saying.
The psychological counselor Qian Kun, because of his grandmother’s male superiority and low opinion, does not like his female identity, so he tries to prove himself.
In fact, as early as 1910, Adler proposed the idea of “innocent men” who compensated for inferiority. That is, it is the male or female that has a desire to pursue strong and powerful, to compensate for the lack of masculinity.
In his eyes, inferiority is not a bad emotion, it can motivate people to pursue the power of excellence.
Psychologist Yang Fengchi advocates “localized psychotherapy”. He uses some thoughts of traditional culture as his own beliefs, and he is not afraid of danger.
Therefore, we quote here from Dan’s Analects and Zhuangzi.
Yu Dan uses the “Cathedral in the Heart” to compare our ideals and beliefs. China, the West, Confucianism, and Tao can be used by Yu Dan, and can also be used by us. “Going our own way”, we will be stronger.